Grief with No Hope
1 Thessalonians 4:13-14 13 And now, dear brothers and sisters, we want you to know what will happen to the believers who have died so you will not grieve like people who have no hope. 14 For since we believe that Jesus died and was raised to life again, we also believe that when Jesus returns, God will bring back with him the believers who have died.
“How do you keep going after so much loss?”
“You may want to slow down and sit in your feelings and grief.”
“I could never go through what you have, I wouldn’t make it.”
“You are so strong!”
The amazing set up for Wes’ memorial service.
These are some of the many statements I have heard since June of 2021. Let’s take a little walk down memory (there has got to be a better word in this scenario) lane. My world was completely shook when I was by my Nana’s side while she took her last breath, only a month before the birth of our son Wes. What I did not know, is this was only the beginning. Three months later our son passed September 5, 2021. Then March 2022 one of my husband’s best friends, Alex, passed unexpectedly. Then come September of 2022 Jake’s youngest brother passed unexpectedly. I had to take Ry to the doctor while Jake went to his brother’s funeral planning. As Jake was pulling up the planning meeting, I had to call to tell him Ry was being taken in an ambulance to the hospital. This stay resulted in her being intubated for ten days. Today we praise God that her time on earth was not done and she has been completely healed. Then in December of 2022 we experienced our first failed IVF transfer followed by our second failed IVF transfer in June of 2023.
To say these last two years have been the hardest of my life would not be an understatement. Typing all of this out literally has me taken back and thinking, “Is this really how it went?” It is hard for me when I put all of the events in one paragraph to believe we are still standing.
I can confidently say, among all the bad has been A LOT of good. I could write and write about all we have learned individually and as a family during each and every experience. An overarching theme I have taken away from all of this is, grief is what you make of it. You hear often, “every one grieves differently.” There is definitely some truth to this; however, I think we as Christians are all called to grieve differently.
All we should be experiencing in this life is hurt, pain, and loss. All of the struggles, concerns and ones gone too soon is not because of Jesus’ plan, it is actually the exact opposite. Jesus did not plan anything but perfection. Humans were made, and sin occured causing all the pain and hurt we experience today. God owed us nothing, yet He sent His only son to die for us so that we could have the hope of eternal life.
This life on earth is only a blip on the radar. We can not even begin to fathom the perfect life and unity we will live with Jesus and all of those who believe this one day. This is the hope we are called to grieve with.
Now, I am NOT saying we will not experience the stages of grief. I am not insinuating that we shouldn’t cry, show pain, show sadness and miss our loved ones. What I am saying is that we are called to grieve differently. By grieving with hope knowing that this is not the end of us, we are shining and showing Jesus to others.
If anything, seeing so much death and hurt in such a short time, I feel more compelled than ever to make sure all of my loved ones know this hope. I can not imagine being able to stand after the death of my child, not including the rest of the loss we have experienced, without truly knowing Jesus. There is so much good we can do for our friends and family, but nothing will compare to showing them who Jesus is and making sure they know they can have this hope as well.
“How do you keep going after so much loss?”
One day at a time, leaning into Jesus and those who uplift me. Making sure that I am pouring into His word and truly reminding myself that I will see our loved ones again.
“You may want to slow down and really sit in your feelings and hurt.”
Everyone grieves differently. Some like to sit when they are sad, some want to go and do. I am a go and do girl. It doesn't get better with time, but I am learning daily how to live this life. One that I did not picture, but one that has so much good.
“I could never go through what you have, I wouldn’t make it.”
Yes you could. It is all about what you choose to focus on. Amongst so much bad is so much good, you just have to have your eyes open to it. God brings beauty from ashes. He uses the work of the devil for His good. When you keep your eyes open for the “good” or “God winks” as I call them, you will see Jesus and His goodness.
“You are so strong!”
Everyone’s worst is different. I have and continue to have an amazing life. I have so much to be thankful for, God has blessed me in many ways, the main one being promises us an eternal life. You would be this strong to if you believed this to your core and grieved with hope.
I hesitated talking about grief, as I know it can be a very controversial topic. Everyone seems to have their answers and remedies for it. I think often, especially with child loss, people do not know what to do, how to support, or encourage. I do not pretend to know all the answers, but I do feel led to share my experiences with each of you in hopes that I could help even just one person who is struggling.
I will later be giving some tips of things that Jake and I appreciated and continue to appreciate today, but until then simply show them love. Whatever your way of loving others is, give that to them, freely and continually. The hurt doesn’t go away, I think about our Wes every day, multiple times a day, but seeing and feeling the love from y’all two years later is irreplaceable. Thank you from the bottom of my heart.
